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Where’s my motivation? January 14, 2009

Posted by Maartje in book.
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Before moving to our sunny ghetto apartment, the kind-hearted caveman and I spent hours playing Fusion Frenzy with our roommates. And every time a certain character would win a minigame, she’d yell “Where’s my motivation?!” and I’d be confused.

I’d be like “Woman! You just won and everybody’s applauding you! What do you mean ‘where’s my motivation’? It’s right there!”

Fast forward several years later, and I’m reading Barbara Sher’s book Live the life you love in 10 easy step-by-step lessons and I think I finally understand that character.

(Ain’t these the great epiphanies of life?)

Different strokes for different folks

Literally, as it turns out.
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Full moon report: sick, miserable and elated edition January 12, 2009

Posted by Maartje in full moon report.
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Ahh, the full moon report. What happened in the past month that’s worth recounting?

I used to do this in my online journaling years, and I found it worked really well for me to stave off the feelings of despondency I’d get when another month would end and I hadn’t done anything useful.

Turns out, in the average month, people can do a lot of useful things that they don’t even remember! 

Why the full moon? Well, to me it’s less annoying than a fixed date and it reminds me of romantic notions of being close to nature, werewolves and magical stuff. And you get to post better pictures!

(Except I’m fighting with WordPress’s image handling, so no pictures yet!)

The good

  • This month heralded a new year. I always love the new year, since you get to think of New Year’s resolutions and other ‘maybe this year will be better than the last’ plans. This year, however, I didn’t have the time to just sit by myself and write write write, so I’m going into 2009 resolution-free.
  • I went to see my supervisor’s boss before the holidays, to ask for help on how to deal with the terrible motivation problems I’m getting from the way my supervisor works. It was scary as heck, but mostly in advance. My supervisor’s boss is a brilliant guy, and I had a great talk with him about how to get myself back on track. Of course, I still have to figure out how to get the most out of it, but at least I know there’s someone on my side who has non-Maartje-motivation-sapping ways of talking.
  • Here’s where the ‘elated’ part comes in: I found Havi Brooks, her colleague Selma and their awesome site. Their Blogging Therapy series has spurred me to finally start a blog, and I’ve ordered the Shiva Nata starting kit as well. Here’s to blogging, epiphanies, and the presence of great and compassionate souls on the internet!

The bad

  • I’m sick. The kind-hearted caveman is sick. Instead of being at our respective places of employment, we’re lounging around the house (I’m typing, he’s watching bloody horror movies), coughing our lungs out and suffering from stuffed tear ducts (him) and pounding headaches (me).
  • The internets are against me. We were supposed to give a big New Year’s Eve party, and I can vividly remember sitting down to write the invitation e-mail (took me a loooong time!), selecting the addresses of people to invite, and hitting ‘Send’. And I didn’t get any response. Even though I ended the e-mail with “Please let me know if you’re coming!” there are always people who respond with “Sorry, I can’t make it. But have a great time!” But no. Nobody. Of course, the day before New Year, I got worried and checked my ‘Sent messages’ folder. And of course, the mail had just vanished from the face of my e-mail account. On the bright side, we had a great (if underwhelmingly visited) party playing games and eating ‘oliebollen.’

The neutral, if kinda silly

  • The more observant readers will have noticed that this Full Moon report has actually been posted the day after the Full Moon. Ah, what can I say, punctuality isn’t my strong suit. Happy Full Moon, nonetheless!

Needs! Get yer needs fulfilled right here! January 11, 2009

Posted by Maartje in relationships.
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Many psychologists, relationship experts and amateurs agree that people have needs, and that getting them met is one of the things that make us happy.

However, what exactly ‘needs’ are and who is responsible for their fulfilment seems to be a bone of contention.

Personally, I’m fond of Marshall Rosenberg’s definition of needs: universal human needs that are independent of people or situations. In other words, we all want to be loved, but luckily for her, we don’t all want Mary from college to be the one to love us.

Needs can be met by lots of people in lots of ways, therefore. But should they?

Just lookin’ around you see all sorts of things!

In my online meanderings, I frequent both the Marriage Builders site (based on the research and teachings of a Dr. Willard Harley) and Steve Pavlina’s site.

I originally came to Marriage Builders looking for advice on how to get my relationship to be more fulfilling, and I got some pretty decent tips. However, the site has a distinctly Christian feel to it, and some of their principles are a pretty hard sell if you’re – like me – a non-Christian, unmarried person living together with someone not all that compatible.

Steve Pavlina, on the other hand, has recently declared he and his wife will be experimenting with polyamory. I’m not at all interested in going for that myself, but the podcast Steve and Erin did on the subject shed some light on their their idea of needs.

And I find myself vacillating between the two theories.

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